The Back Seat

This is a post about weight loss, and I'm keeping it real (as always...)

Unless you've been overweight (and being prego doesn't count), you don't know the feelings that overweight people endure in the simplest situations.

Can I fit in that seat?
Can I fit on that ride at Disneyland?
Will this bench break if I sit on it?

You don't know what it feels like to be "the fat friend". They don't call you that, but you feel it

And there is always the horrific event of shopping because you know that you can't go buy the "cute" stuff the others are wearing. Your girlfriends ask you to go shopping, and you just say no because the thought of them knowing what size you really wear would make you depressed enough to bake a batch of brownies and devour them by yourself. And when you do go shopping, you just hope to high heaven no one sees you and sees what size you are shopping for. But then one day, you let it go because you just accept that you are fat, and it is what it is. So you keep eating, and your vision of your self worth plummets.

If you are average size or smaller, you don't know those feelings. Some of you might be thinking "Oh Jolene, you weren't THAT big..." Yes, I was. I know how all of the above feels because I felt it for a long, long time.

That is not to say I'm a Miss Skinny now--HA--far from it! In fact, instead of being morbidly obese, I'm now just obese according to the BMI and Weight Watchers. I seriously have to laugh at that, and here's why.

We could add to that list of situations that an overweight person dreads: fitting into a shuttle van, in the back seat, 3 across. One year ago, not only would I have barely been able to squeeze past the second seat, I would have been scared to death that my rear would not fit in the open spot on the bench seat, causing those in the middle to be squished.

But today, I was in that situation, and I am happy to say that I glided to the back seat, sat down, and no one was squished. In fact, it was comfortable. I believe I even said, "Thank God I lost weight!"

My weight loss has certainly hit a plateau again. I'm stuck at the same weight and have been for about 3 weeks, so I've lost about 38lbs, and I'm stuck. But that's OK, I'm still running and cross training, still fighting injuries, and still hanging in there. Here's the deal: I'm not ever going back to the weight that I was. Honestly, I could be happy with the weight I am now. I'd like to lose another 12 lbs to make it an even -50, so I'll keep working at that over the summer. It's not going to happen by the half marathon, and that's OK too.

But for the first time in my life, I didn't give up when I have been presented so many chances to do just that. Praise Jesus that where I am weak, He is strong! I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!

So even if all the work I've put in amounts to just climbing into the back seat of a shuttle van and not being mortified, in all honesty, just that moment alone was totally worth every minute of working out and every food choice that I made. It's a great feeling to just do what everyone else can do, even if it's just something as simple as climbing into a back seat.

Jolene

PS: And if I can do it, SO CAN YOU!