I tried to decide what my next post should be. Weight loss? Exercise? My passion for orphans? My journey with jogging?
I think I'll start from the beginning. I'll first say that I'm just not ready to tell how much I weigh, but you'll get the idea of how much I've struggled with weight over the years.
I've always been big, but maybe a few times my body has been in decent shape. OK, two, maybe three times in my adult life. During my freshman year in college, after gaining the freshman 10-15 lbs, I worked out a lot spring quarter and during the summer, and I lost 22 lbs. Then I met Dan...and college life went on. My senior year, I went on another workout journey, but then college ended, student teaching began, and I got married. Got my first job, and kept gaining...exercise wasn't part of my life, but junk food was certainly at the top of the list!
In Nov. 2000, I found out I was pregnant. So that meant gaining another 45 lbs, on top of the amount of being overweight that I already was. My daughter was born preemie, so taking care of myself was the least of my worries for most of 2001-02.
When Kacie was 2 (she's 10 now!), I decided I didn't want to carry the post-pregnancy weight that I still had, so I cut out some junk food and POOF! 14 lbs, Gone! I kept it off, but I couldn't lose more. I had been reading about this Atkins diet, and I thought I might try it...and I lost another 26 lbs...and a lot of muscle mass. I didn't realize the muscle I lost until I was trying to serve a volleyball. I couldn't get the ball over the net, and that scared me to death. I was not working out.
In early 2004, we decided to move our family closer to my husband's work. Obviously, between moving, buying and selling houses, starting a child in a new daycare, etc, my body was not a priority. But when the dust settled, I noticed that the pounds were piling back on, so I joined Curves, and for awhile it was great. I didn't lose much weight, but I enjoyed the workouts. But soon they weren't enough, and after a few more years of joining the YMCA and trying to work out at home, I just couldn't get into a routine. In the meantime, I decided to work on my National Board Certification in teaching, and the McDonalds nights added up quickly. A lot of sitting, reading, typing...and that same year I started a new job at a new school. A lot of stress, and a lot of chips. I love chips...I'm a cheeto junkie.
When National Board Certification was finished and we found out I certified, in January 2007, we decided to try to have child number 2. I got pregnant quickly with my daughter, so I thougth the second should be no different...I was wrong. I became obsessed with getting pregnant. I wouldn't work out because I didn't want jeopardize anything. I ate out of depression each month when it was known that I was not pregnant. Finally in Feb 2008, we learned that we had about a 1% chance of conceiving. Great...more depression, and more food. Then we decided to adopt.
Adoption is a roller coaster ride like no other. Lots of nights on the computer, depressed over paperwork not moving fast enough, and sad for your child who is waiting for you. The time finally came in Aug 2009 to travel to China, and my weight was high. I look back on pictures of myself in China, and I'm disgusted. But it's where I was at, and I accept it.
Then we got home, and I dropped 10 lbs. I had this tantrum-throwing two year old, and I picked him up at least 30-50 times a day. Yes, that is a workout! I went back to work, and over the next two years, I gained 18 lbs. So in the summer of 2011, I was the heaviest I've ever been--minus the pregnancy.
Depression set in. I saw pictures of myself, and I couldn't find myself in them. I truly didn't think I was as big as I looked in those pictures. If you've ever heard Kirstie Ally talk about that, it's true. She said she didn't see herself as big as she really was. It really does happen!
My friend started exercising, and she came over one night, and I was telling her how tired I was, and how I just didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. She told me working out would help, but I made excuses. We had too many camping trips planned, so it was pointless.
Well, for whatever reason, that summer I started working out between camping trips. I went to a gym where a trainer kicked my butt and I could barely walk for weeks. I could feel progress, but I couldn't keep that schedule up when school started, so I began walking and using my elliptical. And soon, a pound here and there started coming off. I also figured out that I have a food allergy to heavy breads and pastas, so I cut all of that out. I still eat carbs, don't worry--I love my wheat bread sandwiches! But making those two changes have made me FEEL better.
I think that's a good place to end for now, but I hope that this post helps you to see what struggles weight, exercise, and food have been for me, and hopefully I can get into how I'm overcoming these things.
Did I mention I ran 4.5 miles last night? Yeah, I did that! only 8.6 to go, and I'll be running my 1/2 marathon! I've been researching training plans. It's so exciting, and my husband ran a mile with me last night. Life is good.
Blessings!
Jolene
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